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Mamma, 
Who Are You
Voting For?*

*A response to my school-aged daughters in advance of the 2016 Oregon presidential primary:
Picture
Photo Credit: Steve Schar via Compfight cc
Well, when I was a little girl I would ask my parents the same question during presidential elections.  They would always answer with, “We vote for the best person for the job.”  You see, in my family the vote has always been considered “secret,” or rather a sacred thing that one should not reveal freely.

​But you are growing up in a very different world, with people sharing their lives and their thoughts, openly and abundantly online.  This constant flow of messages means that even though the “vote is secret,” you’ll face enormous peer pressure from every angle before marking your ballot in private. Still, what I do —  and what you’ll hopefully do once you’re 18 — is to look at your options carefully with the following in mind:

  • Vote for someone who represents your values.
  • Vote for someone you think is capable of representing the values of the American people without compromising his or her own values.  That’s a very tricky thing.
  • Vote for someone you think will act for the good of the people, no matter which groups give them money. 
  • Vote for someone intelligent, educated, who understands the many complexities of the world, and who also has the “emotional intelligence” to communicate effectively with others.  Kind of how when you were smaller I would tell you to pick friends based on how well they “play with others.”
  • Vote for someone who is experienced and also visionary, and who has an optimistic sense for what our country can be.
  • Vote for someone who exhibits the strength and cool that will be necessary in hard times.

So, a few weeks ahead of our primary you’re asking who I plan to vote for.  Let me tell you girls, the choices in this election have been challenging in so many ways!
One party, the one we don’t identify with, offers up candidates that I feel don’t have your best future in mind, and who don’t align with my “who to vote for” criteria.  In my opinion, their philosophy does not consider the important fact that all people are ultimately interconnected on this great big planet we live on.  

The other party, the one we typically support and whose candidates we’ll choose from on May 17th, offers two people who more or less fit my checklist of “who to vote for.” One of these candidates, Bernie Sanders, accurately points out deep problems in our system, and describes a vision for our country that, should it ever be realized, I would be thrilled about.  

The other candidate, Hillary Clinton, has a set of presidential qualifications and experience that probably goes beyond anyone in recent history.  And both of these candidates have acted on and reflect values that I believe in — ones that I’m raising you with.

I now have two candidates to choose from, neither of whom is perfect.  How do I decide which one to vote for? 

I’ve watched almost every debate. I’ve vigilantly kept up with news on both of these candidates, even when things have gotten regretfully sour and competitive between them.  (Kind of like those times when you two fight and I want to shut the door with a good book and a glass of wine and let you work it out amongst yourselves — even though it’s never that easy.) And I’ve wrestled in my own head with what I think either candidate will bring to the table in the end.

It’s a difficult choice, especially since I’m not only voting for me — I’m voting for you too. I’ve asked myself questions such as, “Am I voting for the best imagined future, or the best person to lead the way there?”  

And I very much like the ideal future being described by Bernie Sanders.  In fact, I clearly see why so many people are salivating over his vision.  I’ve also lived through enough presidential elections to know that that “future” is like the meaty steak tossed to guard dogs while the cartoon burglars rob the house.  In that scene I feel like the guard dog who senses something is about to go awry and that maybe I shouldn’t run after that steak! 

So, if I’m unsure about this candidate, even though I like him — what about the other one, Hillary, who I’m reminded every day I look at my newsfeed, has her own flaws? Can I vote for her version of “not perfect”?

What would I be voting for? Well, depending on who I listen to, I may be voting for a wicked, greedy, power-hungry liar who cackles shrilly when the cameras turn off, but smiles artificially when they’re on.  Or, I’d be voting for  a person who has worked hard her whole life, faced lots of challenges, made her share of mistakes and has done all this while trying to figure out how best to succeed in a world that, when she was born, told her, “You’ll never get that far.”  

Which version should I believe?  Is she a greedy wicked witch?  Well, I assume she’s ambitious, and I believe that elements of her ambition have probably colored some of her decisions, not always in the best way. But I also know that she has run a gauntlet extremely more difficult than those faced by any other candidate.  (Since you may not have heard this before, “running a gauntlet” is when someone has to run a distance while being attacked by people on either side of them.  It’s something that used to happen in cultures as a form of military punishment. Now it’s used as an expression.)

Because she’s a woman she’s had to work harder to prove herself and be taken seriously, all while having to look, act, and dress a certain way.  So the fact that she’s a leading candidate for the presidency screams volumes — even if it’s mostly women who hear how loud that volume goes. But does this mean she deserves my vote? I know I certainly wouldn’t give any woman my vote for such an important job just because she’s a woman.  

But how high of a standard should I hold her to? How perfect must she be for me to vote for her? 

Well, I think that if a woman candidate remains standing tall— despite still running through the gauntlet, facing constant name calling and shouting — that’s a pretty high standard right there. I don’t think there’s another candidate today who would be standing so tall and strong if he were scrutinized to the same degree. So I’m not really worried about standards in this situation.  

But what about her past mistakes? Are there too many? Should she not have made them?  

This is where I think of you.  Am I raising you to someday not make mistakes?  Well, maybe that would be a nice goal —if it were humanly possible.  But I think the honest goal is that you’ll learn from your mistakes.  And I will consider myself a successful mother if you learn to embrace your mistakes and always grow from them.  Why then would I expect something more, or something humanly impossible from a presidential candidate?

I believe Hillary Clinton has grown from her mistakes. I can’t know for sure, but I do believe that. More importantly, do I honestly believe she fits my “who to vote for” criteria, even if it means she’s had to duck and shift, and change armor while running her gauntlet?  I do.  And I also believe that she will continue to shift even further and in a better way, because she hears so many voices in her political party shouting for that best imagined future.   

But it still comes down to a choice between two candidates worthy of my vote.  

Like I learned when I was a little girl, my vote will go to the “best person for the job.”  And since I’m voting for you and your future too, I’m not only voting for the person who I think will do the best job — I’m voting so that one day you’ll be able to contribute your talents and abilities for the good of the planet without wasting your energy on running through such a shameful gauntlet.  Growing up hearing the words “Madame President” will get you partway there. And I trust your intelligence, your strength, and your compassion will get you the rest of the way, and more.        

#Imwithher​



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